Just so you know, I am okay and it is a good thing to be okay. Wait, a wonderful thing. I have learnt a lot about allowing/accepting good things to happen in my life when they do. I have been through some tumultuous times over the years. Stress, burnout, depressive moments, and frequent downtimes had become normal. The prayers were always the same, "God, take this cup away from me. Bless the work of my hands, save my relationships, heal me..." you know the drill. Fast forward

I am a people person, the go-to person when you need support or help with stuff. I tick majority of life’s boxes. But I have not been okay, and they do not know that. It has been a couple of years since the doctor told me I had severe clinical depression. I was not ready for such a diagnosis, but I was not surprised. I knew I was not okay, but I did not know what was eating at me. All the signs were there, had been there for an entire year. In fact, I was relieved to hear the

Death. Death does a number on you in ways you did not know. I used to attend funerals and I had all sorts of emotions. Thinking about the departed, the loved ones and the struggles they will face moving on. It was easy to rationalize things because it was never me on the spot. Until I lost someone I dearly loved. I could not say goodbye, I could not cry, I had this big hot potato in my throat that just would not go down. A part of my brain rationalized their death, but the ot

They say when one is depressed, they have suicidal thoughts. I used to think these thoughts were about harming oneself or taking their own life. I have never thought of taking my own life, but I have thought about dying. Way too often. I think about what dying would mean, how would my family and friends react? Am I ready to die? Will my affairs be in order at the time of my death? Am I right with God, will I find my way to heaven? What if I got a terminal disease, would I fig

There are many things that can lead to depression. A major shift in your life can cause you to fall into the pit of depression and other times, it sneaks up on you, slowly without notice. I used to struggle with loneliness, it was a constant thing in my life. I would be amongst people, but I would be lonely. I had friends, work, family, but I was lonely. I would go for a whole weekend without my phone ringing. No one looked for me unless they needed something. Sometimes, I wo

Do you know what it feels like to be jobless? Do you really know? Do you know how it breaks a man to the core of his soul? I have always had a job, scratch that. I have always enjoyed being employed. I love it. Work gives me joy, it gives me purpose, it allows me to serve, and it enables me to do things I enjoy. It has been my primary source of income for years and I have solely depended on work to pay my bills and take care of my family. I had never been jobless until I foun

They say one of the telltale signs of depression is when you lose interest in things that once gave you joy. For the last several years, my single prayer to God has been to give me joy. I have moments of happiness, derived from something or someone and then it fizzles out and I go back to the nagging empty feeling. I am no longer the person I used to be. I am not as productive as I once was. Granted, I have been super busy and working like crazy, but I wish you knew how I do

I wish you all knew how tired I am. Tired of my life, tired of being me, tired of everything! I sleep tired, I wake up tired, I am tired all day. I have tried everything; Tried to pop pills so I can sleep, pop pills so I have some energy, tried to exercise (I cannot stay consistent), and even tried sex. Nothing seems to work. I want to pack and leave. I just want a break. I hear people saying they want a break, but majority want a weekend break, a week’s break, even a month’s

Well, well……where do I start? How do I tell you my story? What parts of my story do I tell, and which ones do I leave out? Which challenges do I share, and which ones do I leave tucked behind my smile, in the depth of my heart? If you saw me at a restaurant and you were checking me out, you would never know what it’s taken to stay sane. So let me tell you, I have tried it all. I have slept around as much as I can. I made bets about it, and I become extremely focused on conque